Honestly, I hate that question. Not because I find it rude or insensitive, but mostly because it’s difficult to simply explain a year’s worth of hard word, small victories and deflating setbacks. Anyone who’s ever gone through the process of getting (or attempting to get) a book published, fully understands that the method is far from simple. It’s kind of like pulling your hair out strand by strand hoping that one day you’ll look in the mirror and find you’ve created a fabulous hairdo. Okay, maybe not exactly like that…but close.
You see, I wrote a book, got an agent who was really excited about the project, spent the better part of a year writing a proposal, revising that proposal several times, shooting a book trailer, waiting on a focus group of junior high readers to send feedback, having numerous meetings via telephone, going through a second round of readers, crossing my fingers on a daily basis, and waiting…waiting...waiting. It was brutal. The most frustrating part being that all the comments and reviews I heard/read about my book were positive. In fact, it seemed like everyone from my agent, to the readers, and the publishers we pitched to, thought the book was great. But no one wanted to buy it. If someone would have just pinpointed some major problem with the manuscript, I could have worked on it. It would have given me something to do. But, that wasn’t the issue. I was told that the publishers who read (or claimed to have read) my book genuinely liked it, but the majority of them didn’t want to take a chance on an unknown author. It seems my inexperience was viewed as a gamble they weren’t willing to take. I can understand that. I don’t like it, but I understand it.
After a while it became painfully obvious that having a book on the shelf at my local bookstore while I smiled and shook hands with those lining up to buy it, wasn’t going to be a reality. I was embarrassed and disappointed. I had shared the news of getting an agent and pitching to publishers with practically everyone I knew. And hardly a day went by without someone asking me how things were progressing.
Yes, the ship was taking on water quickly and was going down while I climbed the mainsail and prayed for that last publisher to come through. They didn’t. But worse than the disappointment of it all was the fact that my frustration had slowly progressed to the point where I didn’t even want to write anymore. I was so caught up in the selling of my work that somewhere along the way, I’d lost the very reason I wrote the book in the first place…because I loved writing. By the time my agent said, “Maybe we should explore some different options such as self-publishing,” I was already sick of the whole project and sick of my book. The draw of getting published and the time and energy I had invested in doing so, sucked all of the joy out of the thing I loved. At that point I could have easily gone the ebook route and had the novel online quickly. But my heart wasn’t in it anymore. The original pitch was for a four book young adult series, but by the time it became obvious that that was my last option, the thought of writing three sequels made me sick to my stomach. I was over it. In my mind, the book was dead and still is.
I had no desire to write anymore. It was about that time my wife began to send me links to some blogs she had read where authors described their own similar experiences and how they succeeded in spite of failed publishing attempts. One she sent me was a blog by Jessica Park, author of Flat Out Love. Parker first tried to sell Flat-Out Love to traditional publishers because she, in her words, “had it in my head that I needed that big-time validation.” Her situation sounded uncannily similar to mine, but when her deal didn’t work out she decided to self-publish instead. Soon I discovered other authors who had experienced many of the same frustrations, several of who went on to have very successful sales online. There are even those who have turned down publishing companies that came sniffing around after discovering the book was selling well online. They turned them down because they liked the freedom of writing at their own pace without the pressure the publishers put on them to produce quickly. They enjoyed having more control over their own book, even down to the cover design. And they were able keep more of their profits and set the book prices as they saw fit.
A new creative fire was sparked in me and I decided I would do the same. I couldn’t just stop doing something I loved because things didn’t work out the way I’d hoped. However, I knew I couldn’t continue with the project I was writing before since it held too many frustrations for me, and ultimately wasn’t fun anymore. So I began a new young adult series. I’m half way through the first book now and hope to publish it myself around Spring of 2013.
Trying to keep my head above water in the swiftly changing currents of the publishing industry was exhausting at best, but I don’t believe the entire process was a waste. I try to take away something positive from every experience I can, and the most important thing I got from this one was validation. I came to the realization that I could do it. That I was good enough. People who didn’t know me and had no reason to lie or be nice to me enjoyed my book. The readers, my agent, and publishers all told me they loved it. They gave me the confidence I needed to make this happen and I am thankful for that. Most importantly, I was reminded of why I do what I do. I believe I was made to write and tell stories. I believe God placed that in me and I love doing it because ultimately I believe it brings honor to the One who made me. And I was reminded that the love of doing something was all the reason I needed to continue.
Check out Jessica Parker’s Blog at…
I never knew you had such a gift.. Kudos to you!! Keep pressing on, friend.. So proud of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Traci!
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