I was terrified by the stories about how the world would
end, about how the sky would turn dark, the moon would turn blood red, there
would be earthquakes and natural disasters and that God would destroy this
earth out of His great anger. But I
found a loophole! Every morning when I’d
wake up, I’d say a prayer. It went
something like, “God…I know that the
world is going to end today. I know it.
I’m sure of it, God.” Then
afterwards, I would go outside and enjoy my day because, in my young mind, I
had just tied God’s hands. He couldn’t
end the world that day. I had already
informed Him that I knew it would happen.
I prayed out of fear.
As I got older, I began to wonder what I was going to do
with my life. I begged God to make it
clear to me – to show me what He wanted.
As time went on and I felt like I didn’t have a clear answer, I began to
up the ante in hopes of urging God to reveal His plan for me. I begged Him, promised Him, made deals with
Him and offered up everything I could think of to get Him on my side. “I’ll do whatever You want, go wherever You
want, and be whatever You need me to be God.
Just show me what You want,” was a common prayer of mine. And truthfully it seemed like a great thing
to pray. And it is. Depending on your motive. If I would’ve had a clear idea of what I
wanted to do with my life, I probably wouldn’t have prayed the way I did.
I prayed out of selfishness.
After I was out of college and started working, my
priorities changed a bit. I wasn’t
looking for my purpose, I was looking to be influential. I wanted to be the best at what I did. I wanted to be known for being good at my
work. My prayers reflected that. “Lord, help me to reach as many people as
possible for You. Help me expand my
reach and my influence so that I can be a greater blessing to You.” Once again, all good things. But if I’m being completely honest, my actual
goal was to be known. To be recognized
for the good work I did.
I prayed because I wanted the glory.
Where I find myself now is a little different. I still pray out of fear, I still pray out of
selfishness, and I still pray seeking my own glory. But now I’m trying to be honest. Honest with myself and honest with God. I’ve never been one of those “prayer warriors”
I hear about. I’m not sure even sure what
would qualify me for such a title. I’ve
never even been one who prays a whole lot for others – something that has
caused me a bit of guilt throughout the years.
But now I find myself simply thanking God more than anything else. I’m not perfect and I don’t expect anyone
else to be, and I don’t claim to have all the answers. But I can be honest. And I can be thankful. And I can be willing to learn. We all can.
“And when you come
before God, don’t turn that into a theatrical production either. All these
people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you
think God sits in a box seat?
“Here’s what I want
you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play
before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus
will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.
“The world is full
of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They’re full of formulas
and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from
God. Don’t fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with,
and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you
can pray very simply.
Matthew 6: 5-9 MSG
